by Aisha Rashid
The Advanced English dictionary defines ‘lonely’ as ‘lacking companions or companionship’ or ‘marked by dejection from being alone’ or ‘characterised by or preferring solitude’.
Partial to the last definition I prefer solitude over numbers. Crowds, especially those of a noisy nature, spells anxiety as I prefer not to deal with the dissonance and discord.
Upon the demise of my beloved I took on the mantle of widowhood, although quite unprepared for this new role despite his failing health the past several years. My world turned upside down with the prospect of spending the rest of my days sans the company of my soul-mate.
The grief struck me as though one had thrust a sword through my heart. I was convinced that my life would never be the same again. How so true it is…
Time flies past quickly and it is seven years now that I live alone – by choice – despite offers from my children to live with them.
In the beginning the silence was engulfing. No one to banter with, to argue, to laugh over silly jokes, to share the daily routines. Suddenly, there was no one to cater for and to take care. Nonetheless, I was resolved not to succumb to the emptiness and sadness by embarking on a journey to re-connect with myself.
It was thus that I discovered wonderful pursuits that occupied my time, doing things that brought me much joy and satisfaction. As there was so much going on I hardly had time to be lonely.
Living solo meant a streamlining of routines to match my new needs. In my previous hectic lifestyle, mornings were a round of decision-making on choices to prepare for the day.
Now I can wake up, savouring the silence for as long as I want to and sometimes watch the sun rising in the distance. No longer is there a need for priorities and which need to be done first. Now I take my time to plan the day, sometimes relishing the luxury of sleeping in, no more rushing as time is my own. This has proven most satisfying and gave me a new sense of purpose.
Self-reliance is my new credo as I am now solely responsible for managing my life – with no one to look after or to look after me. I undertake minor tasks of home maintenance and am able to fix things around my tiny flat. This has given me an extraordinary sense of achievement and I marvel at the fact that I am stronger than I gave myself credit for.
Although I had always been independent this new freedom is the sweet spot in my re-discovered self.
Many are inclined to believe that living alone means isolation but I beg to differ. This choice had opened new gateways of relationship as I build strong bonds with others on my own terms.
Somewhat significantly, I now have the self-control, opportunity and time to choose whom I prefer to spend my time with. At the same time, I am able to reach out to people who truly care and their friendship enriches my life, thereby carving profound relationships that are uninterrupted by the distractions of the Rat Race.
It is with élan that I declare my success in coming face-to-face to address loneliness and uncovering sweet comfort in solitude. I had discovered this precious solitude to be amazingly peaceful and allows time for reflection, gratitude and essential self-care.
Admittedly, the loneliness creeps in sometimes but keeping busy – doing the things I enjoy – has been its antidote. I take comfort that pockets of loneliness could be part of this journey but it does not define the path I have chosen.
Focussed on the positive aspects of this new voyage into the future, I give thanks to the Lord’s bounty and appreciate life’s smaller, quieter offerings with much ardour.
As this is my time, I am embracing this deeply fulfilling freedom where I can shape my world according to my need – one day at a time…
Aisha Rashid is an accomplished counsellor in public relations and on the finer points of writing
WE