by JayasankaranKK
The Driver Involved in This Incident Asked That Her Gender Not Be Revealed (What a headline!)
In the newspaper business, sub-editors rank right up there: they clean the writer’s copy – correct the typos, the grammatical howlers, etc. – and assign titles, headlines if you like, to the story.
It is at this stage when the gifted sub comes into his/her own. It might be a mundane story, but a clever or witty heading almost always lifts the page and gets attention.
That’s the newspaper’s business: the ads are attracted by a paper’s readers, the number of “eyeballs” it attracts.
The eyes, as they say, always have it.
So when Sara Marie Frankenstein, a desirable damsel from the Dakotas, took part in a beauty contest, she, inevitably, won and the newspapers the next day carried pretty much the same headline.
“Frankenstein Crowned Miss South Dakota.” (People always forget that Frankenstein wasn’t the creature – he was its creator)
On another note, the generally staid Wall Street Journal isn’t renowned for side-splitting headings, but its subs are no slouches. I once remember reading a story about the American postal service because I admired its headline: “U.S. Post Licks Stamp Problem.”
After Chinese statesman and diplomat Chou En-Lai passed away in 1976, the Communist Party decided the nuts and bolts of his funeral. One Japanese paper ran this headline the next day: “Chou Remains Cremated”.
It isn’t clear if the sub in charge had his tongue firmly in cheek or he wasn’t aware of the double entendre or if it was a simple case of being lost in translation.
Even so, one suspects that Chou, reputed for his sense of humour, would have enjoyed the joke.
This headline is witty – “Midget Sues Grocer, Cites Belittling Remarks.”
The following one is equally pointed but it does not bear explaining; “Shanghai Adult Toy Fair Hits The Spot.”
Occasionally, however, a sub slips up and miracles are revealed. Surely this was one – “Priest In Fatal Crash Improves.” Or they come up with non-sequiturs – “Homicide Victims Rarely Talk To Police.”
You think?
One suspects that the sub who drafted the next heading wasn’t all there. Either that or his spelling’s terrible.
“Situations Vacant: Cleaner Required, Must Be Contentious.”
In Malaysia, we’d say the sub’s ‘England not so good’ – he probably meant conscientious.
Sometimes, you have to just know. Now “Elf To Sell Major North Sea Assets” sounds like something out of Harry Potter but Elf-Aquitaine is a French oil company.
Similarly, “Lazy, Fat Dragons Forced To Diet At NY Zoo” is missing the word Komodo but the sub got our attention.
Then there are the “yeah, right” headlines. Like “The Sun Is Leading Cause of Sunburns” or “Bugs Flying Around With Wings Are Flying Bugs.”
Some are simply stupid. It’s either that or the sub wanted to demonstrate that said legislator in question was palpably stupid: “Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty.”
Now here’s an outraged headline that tells the whole story. “Risqué Business: Misguided Skating Officials are Cracking Down on Pelvis Pumping and Lap Dancing – As Though People Actually Want To Watch Olympians Skate.”
And, finally, the hands-down winner for double talk and the splitting of hairs: “MSI Owner Denies Lying, Admits Not Telling Truth.”
WE